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Blog For Crystal Clear Counselling

The 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat

This is the first counselling Blog published by Crystal Clear Counselling.  The aim is to blog about various topics that you may be struggling with.  The first one is entitled “Reasons Why Men Cheat”. Detailed below is a Blog snippet from a Psychology Today article on why men cheat.

Research says that men on the whole define infidelity rather loosely.  We all remember that famous statement, “I did not have sexual relations with that women”.  Men believe that it is their biological imperative to have sex with as many women as possible in order to spread their seed.

Below is a list of possible reasons why men cheat:

  1. He’s a liar.  He never intended to be monogamous.  He views monogamy as something to be worked around.
  2. He is insecure.  Deep down he feels that he is too young, too thin, too fat, too poor etc.  He uses extramarital sex to feel better about himself.
  3. He is immature.  If his partner does not find out, he is not hurting anyone.  He does not get that eventually his partner will find out.
  4. He is damaged.  Perhaps he is acting out and early trauma, physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse.  He is unwilling or unable to fully commit himself to another person due to earlier trauma.
  5. He has unreasonable expectations.  He believes that his partner should meet his every sexual and emotional need 24X7.  If his spouse fails him he feels entitled to seek intimate attention elsewhere.
  6. He is bored, overworked, put-upon.  He feels deserving of something special just for him.  Having an affair, viewing porn, hiring prostitutes.
  7. He is confused about love.  He mistakes the rush of early romance with love.  He does not understand that the early attraction is replaced by feelings of long term attachment.
  8. He is addicted.  Perhaps he has an ongoing addiction to alcohol or drugs.  He may use sexual activity to soothe and escape uncomfortable emotions.
  9. He wants out.  He is looking to end his current relationship  and is using external sexual acts to give his partner the message.  Or he wants to find a replacement partner before he leaves as he does not like being alone.
  10. He lacks male bonding and a peer community.  He expects all of his emotional and physical needs to be met by his partner as he does not have other friendships with men or peers.  So when he finds his partner lacking he looks elsewhere.

This list is by no means conclusive.  The fall-out from an affair is devastating for the person that has been cheated on. Invariably it is not the act itself that does the most damage, its the betrayal of the relationship trust which causes the most pain.  If the relationship survives the infidelity, it is unlikely that it will ever be the same again.

Next time I will talk about Why Women have Affairs?


Even the World’s Richest Man has a few marriage issues

This is the second counselling Blog published by Crystal Clear Counselling.  The aim is to blog about various topics that you may be struggling with.  The second one is entitled “Even The World’s richest man has a few marriage issues”. Detailed below is a Blog snippet from the Daily Mail article on how Jeff Bezos and his estranged wife attended a counselling retreat in Hawaii, to try and get their marriage back on track, it came with a hefty price tag, but he can afford it. See link below:

Even the Worlds richest person Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon has had a few well publicised marital issues.

So much so one of his representatives recommended a counselling retreat in Hawaii for him and his estranged wife to attend. You can read the article here.

Whilst not quite Hawaii, in-between Noosa and Eumundi in the Noosa Hinterland town of Doonan, Queensland, I too provide support counselling for couples with marriage/relationship troubles at my weekend Reconnecting Retreat. I am quite a lot cheaper, but still good value.