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Blog For Crystal Clear Counselling

The 10 Reasons Why People Cheat

This is the first counselling Blog published by Crystal Clear Counselling.  The aim is to blog about various topics that you may be struggling with.  The first one is entitled “Reasons Why People Cheat”. Detailed below is a Blog snippet from a Psychology Today article on why people cheat.

Research says that men on the whole define infidelity rather loosely.  We all remember that famous statement, “I did not have sexual relations with that women”.  Some Men believe that it is their biological imperative to have sex with as many women as possible in order to spread their seed.

Below is a list of possible reasons why people cheat:

  1. He/she a liar.  He/she never intended to be monogamous.  He/she views monogamy as something to be worked around.
  2. He/she is insecure.  Deep down he/she feels that he/she is too young, too thin, too fat, too poor etc.  He/she uses extramarital sex to feel better about himself/herself.
  3. He/she is immature.  If his/her partner does not find out, he/she is not hurting anyone.  He/she does not get that eventually his/her partner will find out.
  4. He/she is damaged.  Perhaps he/she is acting out and early trauma, physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse.  He/she is unwilling or unable to fully commit himself/herself to another person due to earlier trauma.
  5. He/she has unreasonable expectations.  He believes that his/her partner should meet his/her every sexual and emotional need 24X7.  If his/her spouse fails him/her he/she feels entitled to seek intimate attention elsewhere.
  6. He/she is bored, overworked, put-upon.  He/she feels deserving of something special just for him/her.  Having an affair, viewing porn, hiring prostitutes.
  7. He/she is confused about love.  He/she mistakes the rush of early romance with love.  He/she does not understand that the early attraction is replaced by feelings of long term attachment.
  8. He/she is addicted.  Perhaps he/she has an ongoing addiction to alcohol or drugs.  He/she may use sexual activity to soothe and escape uncomfortable emotions.
  9. He/she wants out.  He/she is looking to end his/her current relationship  and is using external sexual acts to give his/her partner the message.  Or he/she wants to find a replacement partner before he/she leaves as he does not like being alone.
  10. He/she lacks male/female bonding and a peer community.  He/she expects all of his/her emotional and physical needs to be met by his/her partner as he/she does not have other friendships with men/women or peers.  So when he/she finds his partner lacking he/she looks elsewhere.

This list is by no means conclusive.  The fall-out from an affair is devastating for the person that has been cheated on. Invariably it is not the act itself that does the most damage, its the betrayal of the relationship trust which causes the most pain.  If the relationship survives the infidelity, then the relationship can recover.

Next time I will talk about Why Women have Affairs?

 

Even the World’s Richest Man has a few marriage issues

This is the second counselling Blog published by Crystal Clear Counselling.  The aim is to blog about various topics that you may be struggling with.  The second one is entitled “Even The World’s richest man has a few marriage issues”. Detailed below is a Blog snippet from the Daily Mail article on how Jeff Bezos and his estranged wife attended a counselling retreat in Hawaii, to try and get their marriage back on track, it came with a hefty price tag, but he can afford it. See link below:

Even the Worlds richest person Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon has had a few well publicised marital issues.

So much so one of his representatives recommended a counselling retreat in Hawaii for him and his estranged wife to attend. You can read the article here.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6769443/Jeff-Bezos-camp-tried-send-Hawaii-marriage-counselling-retreat.html